he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Randomize
