Me. At least after what I've been through.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
