i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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