brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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