i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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