I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
