The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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