my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize