U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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