I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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