I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
