My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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