when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
