one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
