Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Bring me that man meat
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
