When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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