I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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