Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
