what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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