My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
