so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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