this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
