Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
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Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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