Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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