my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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