I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
