so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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