I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
