The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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