Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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