First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
