How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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