I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
