You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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