i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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