He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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