know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
