you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
