i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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