Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
