I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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