So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
