I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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