he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
