I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
