i may or may not be watching the land before time
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
