I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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