I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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