so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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