i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
