I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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