how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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