I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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