i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
