so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
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Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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