When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
