I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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