I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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