A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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