everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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