i can't believe i had my finger in that
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
