i wish peter jackson would direct porn
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
