I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
