i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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