foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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