I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Define "chronic" masturbator.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
50% drunk capacity currently
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
