Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize