cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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