i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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